Are You Sure You're Ready To Change?
It is easy to say, “I want to change”, but to actually do it is another thing. When you say, “I want to quit smoking but I can’t”, it actually means, “I know smoking is bad for me but I don’t want to quit”. A person who is serious about changing will be willing to go through what she has to go through to see and experience the change.
Where does change begin and how does it happen?
Change begins when a person realizes that she is in a bad situation. Unless she reaches this point, she will not even crave for the change. There has to be a severe desperation to be in a better place. There has to be no other option but to get out of the situation.
Some people reach this point but also end here. They crave for the change but eventually go back to their old ways. There has to be an action that corresponds with the desire. And that action has to be followed up by further steps that will make the person feel adjusted to the change.
One criterion that I use to determine if a person is ready to change or not is the person’s seriousness about change. For as long as there are “ifs” and “buts”, then the seriousness is not fully there. If the person is not ready to do it NOW, then she is not serious enough. If she is waiting for something to happen before she makes that decision and move to change, then she is not serious about it.
And there was a woman who had had a flow of blood for twelve years, and who had endured much suffering under [the hands of] many physicians and had spent all that she had, and was no better but instead grew worse. She had heard the reports concerning Jesus, and she came up behind Him in the throng and touched His garment, for she kept saying, If I only touch His garments, I shall be restored to health. And immediately her flow of blood was dried up at the source, and [suddenly] she felt in her body that she was healed of her [distressing] ailment. And Jesus, recognizing in Himself that the power proceeding from Him had gone forth, turned around immediately in the crowd and said, who touched My clothes? And the disciples kept saying to Him, You see the crowd pressing hard around You from all sides, and You ask, Who touched Me? Still He kept looking around to see her who had done it. But the woman, knowing what had been done for her, though alarmed and frightened and trembling, fell down before Him and told Him the whole truth. And He said to her, Daughter, your faith (your trust and confidence in Me, springing from faith in God) has restored you to health. Go in (into) peace and be continually healed and freed from your [distressing bodily] disease. (Mark 5:25-34)
This woman was so desperate for healing. She tried everything she could do and spent all her money but still did not get healed. She had one last chance, and that is through Jesus. She believed it. She didn’t care what it took. She was so desperate that she didn’t wait for it to come to her. She sought for it. And she had so much faith that if she can just touch the fringe of Jesus’ garment, she will be healed. Despite the crowd pressing hard around Jesus, He still recognized that the power proceeding from Him had gone forth.
There was power in the woman’s desperation … the power that brought about her faith … which brought about her actions … and finally brought about her healing.
Desperation … Faith … Action. These are three factors that bring about true change.
Here is another story I want to share with you to stress my point more clearly.
Now there is in Jerusalem a pool near the Sheep Gate. This pool in the Hebrew is called Bethesda, having five porches (alcoves, colonnades, doorways). In these lay a great number of sick folk—some blind, some crippled, and some paralyzedwaiting for the bubbling up of the water. For an angel of the Lord went down at appointed seasons into the pool and moved and stirred up the water; whoever then first, after the stirring up of the water, stepped in was cured of whatever disease with which he was afflicted.
There was a certain man there who had suffered with a deep-seated and lingering disorder for thirty-eight years. When Jesus noticed him lying there [helpless], knowing that he had already been a long time in that condition, He said to him, “Do you want to become well”? The invalid answered, “Sir, I have nobody when the water is moving to put me into the pool; but while I am trying to come [into it] myself, somebody else steps down ahead of me”. Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your bed (sleeping pad) and walk”! Instantly the man became well and recovered his strength and picked up his bed and walked.(John 5:2-9).
Here was a man wanting to change but lacking the desperation that the woman in the first story had. Jesus did not even help him because He wanted the man to act on his own volition. In the same way, no matter how you pray to Jesus for change, unless you do your part in taking action, He will not help you. He will provide the way for you but He will wait for you to move before He moves. Look at how Jesus dealt with this man. He said, “Get up! Pick up your bed (sleeping pad) and walk”!
So don’t expect changes to happen to your life unless you are ready for that change. Don’t say you’re ready if you are not willing to take that first step. Don’t say you’re ready if you are not desperate enough to seek after the solution, whatever it takes. Don’t say you’re ready if you don’t have faith that you can change. And don’t say you’re ready if you are not ready to change NOW.
Once you are ready, then you will see how God will move in your life. When you’re ready, then I can also be of help to you.
~Lisa Maki~
Where does change begin and how does it happen?
Change begins when a person realizes that she is in a bad situation. Unless she reaches this point, she will not even crave for the change. There has to be a severe desperation to be in a better place. There has to be no other option but to get out of the situation.
Some people reach this point but also end here. They crave for the change but eventually go back to their old ways. There has to be an action that corresponds with the desire. And that action has to be followed up by further steps that will make the person feel adjusted to the change.
One criterion that I use to determine if a person is ready to change or not is the person’s seriousness about change. For as long as there are “ifs” and “buts”, then the seriousness is not fully there. If the person is not ready to do it NOW, then she is not serious enough. If she is waiting for something to happen before she makes that decision and move to change, then she is not serious about it.
And there was a woman who had had a flow of blood for twelve years, and who had endured much suffering under [the hands of] many physicians and had spent all that she had, and was no better but instead grew worse. She had heard the reports concerning Jesus, and she came up behind Him in the throng and touched His garment, for she kept saying, If I only touch His garments, I shall be restored to health. And immediately her flow of blood was dried up at the source, and [suddenly] she felt in her body that she was healed of her [distressing] ailment. And Jesus, recognizing in Himself that the power proceeding from Him had gone forth, turned around immediately in the crowd and said, who touched My clothes? And the disciples kept saying to Him, You see the crowd pressing hard around You from all sides, and You ask, Who touched Me? Still He kept looking around to see her who had done it. But the woman, knowing what had been done for her, though alarmed and frightened and trembling, fell down before Him and told Him the whole truth. And He said to her, Daughter, your faith (your trust and confidence in Me, springing from faith in God) has restored you to health. Go in (into) peace and be continually healed and freed from your [distressing bodily] disease. (Mark 5:25-34)
This woman was so desperate for healing. She tried everything she could do and spent all her money but still did not get healed. She had one last chance, and that is through Jesus. She believed it. She didn’t care what it took. She was so desperate that she didn’t wait for it to come to her. She sought for it. And she had so much faith that if she can just touch the fringe of Jesus’ garment, she will be healed. Despite the crowd pressing hard around Jesus, He still recognized that the power proceeding from Him had gone forth.
There was power in the woman’s desperation … the power that brought about her faith … which brought about her actions … and finally brought about her healing.
Desperation … Faith … Action. These are three factors that bring about true change.
Here is another story I want to share with you to stress my point more clearly.
Now there is in Jerusalem a pool near the Sheep Gate. This pool in the Hebrew is called Bethesda, having five porches (alcoves, colonnades, doorways). In these lay a great number of sick folk—some blind, some crippled, and some paralyzedwaiting for the bubbling up of the water. For an angel of the Lord went down at appointed seasons into the pool and moved and stirred up the water; whoever then first, after the stirring up of the water, stepped in was cured of whatever disease with which he was afflicted.
There was a certain man there who had suffered with a deep-seated and lingering disorder for thirty-eight years. When Jesus noticed him lying there [helpless], knowing that he had already been a long time in that condition, He said to him, “Do you want to become well”? The invalid answered, “Sir, I have nobody when the water is moving to put me into the pool; but while I am trying to come [into it] myself, somebody else steps down ahead of me”. Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your bed (sleeping pad) and walk”! Instantly the man became well and recovered his strength and picked up his bed and walked.(John 5:2-9).
Here was a man wanting to change but lacking the desperation that the woman in the first story had. Jesus did not even help him because He wanted the man to act on his own volition. In the same way, no matter how you pray to Jesus for change, unless you do your part in taking action, He will not help you. He will provide the way for you but He will wait for you to move before He moves. Look at how Jesus dealt with this man. He said, “Get up! Pick up your bed (sleeping pad) and walk”!
So don’t expect changes to happen to your life unless you are ready for that change. Don’t say you’re ready if you are not willing to take that first step. Don’t say you’re ready if you are not desperate enough to seek after the solution, whatever it takes. Don’t say you’re ready if you don’t have faith that you can change. And don’t say you’re ready if you are not ready to change NOW.
Once you are ready, then you will see how God will move in your life. When you’re ready, then I can also be of help to you.
~Lisa Maki~
Learning To Trust Again
Trust is like a glass that is so fragile. A little crack can break it into tiny pieces that will make it impossible to glue back together without seeing traces of the crack.
One of the things that is so difficult to mend and repair is trust. Once it is broken, it is not easy to bring it back to where it was. Trust is earned, and it takes time before it is entrusted to someone simply because there are fears and doubts that need to be overcome. Once that bridge of uncertainty is crossed, then trust begins.
It is for this reason why it is so painful when this trust is broken. After overcoming your fears, believing in the person, and giving a part of your self, you are then lied to and cheated on. It is like a gift that you have saved so much for, only to be thrown into the garbage.
Losing your trust does not only apply to the person who has hurt you but to other people as well. When I lost my trust in my ex-husband, I lost my trust in all men. I started looking at men in the same way, that they are all going to hurt me and that when they say they love me, they don’t really mean it. My heart became numb and it built walls around it that grew higher and thicker over the years. It became my way of shielding myself from getting hurt any further.
It took the power of real love to break down my high and thick walls and to teach me how to trust again. All it took was for me to surrender my life to Jesus. It was then that I realized how hungry I was for love. He drew me so close to Him and I began to experience a love I have never known. He assured me that He will never leave me nor forsake me. He promised me that He will restore everything that the devil has stolen from me. I believed Him and didn’t even doubt for a moment. If He could die for me, then He can surely do anything for me. My trust in Jesus gave way to my healing, allowing me to start trusting others again.
This did not happen overnight. The healing process was painful because I had to confront a lot of things from my past that I didn’t even want to remember. It was difficult because I had to forgive those who have hurt me. It was trying because I had to let go of the so many questions I had in my mind that I needed answers for.
Forgiveness and letting go are the key factors to learning to trust again. You have to remember though that not because you have forgotten something painful means that you have forgiven and let go. This was exactly the case with me. God taught me that forgiving the people who have hurt me means releasing them to His care so that I will not give them anymore the power to hurt me. I’ve also learned that forgiveness that does not have to go with my feelings. I forgive out of obedience to God and not because I feel ready for it.
While it is easy to trust God because of His very nature, it is not as easy trusting men who will fail you. Again, this is something I have learned over time. It is not the person that I should trust but the Man who died for me. This is why it becomes easier to trust someone who is also surrendered to Jesus. And this is why being married to a man who truly loves God has helped a lot in healing me and in learning to trust again. Though he is far from perfect, he continues to submit to God’s Word and His perfect will, and therefore God continues to perfect that which concerns him. His love for God gives him the ability to love me the way God wants me to be loved.
Surrender to Jesus … Forgiveness … Letting Go … Trusting the Man who died for you … Being with someone who truly loves God … these are the factors that made me learn to trust again.
Only Jesus was able to put back the broken and smashed pieces of my heart, leaving not even a trace of crack on it.
~Lisa Maki~
One of the things that is so difficult to mend and repair is trust. Once it is broken, it is not easy to bring it back to where it was. Trust is earned, and it takes time before it is entrusted to someone simply because there are fears and doubts that need to be overcome. Once that bridge of uncertainty is crossed, then trust begins.
It is for this reason why it is so painful when this trust is broken. After overcoming your fears, believing in the person, and giving a part of your self, you are then lied to and cheated on. It is like a gift that you have saved so much for, only to be thrown into the garbage.
Losing your trust does not only apply to the person who has hurt you but to other people as well. When I lost my trust in my ex-husband, I lost my trust in all men. I started looking at men in the same way, that they are all going to hurt me and that when they say they love me, they don’t really mean it. My heart became numb and it built walls around it that grew higher and thicker over the years. It became my way of shielding myself from getting hurt any further.
It took the power of real love to break down my high and thick walls and to teach me how to trust again. All it took was for me to surrender my life to Jesus. It was then that I realized how hungry I was for love. He drew me so close to Him and I began to experience a love I have never known. He assured me that He will never leave me nor forsake me. He promised me that He will restore everything that the devil has stolen from me. I believed Him and didn’t even doubt for a moment. If He could die for me, then He can surely do anything for me. My trust in Jesus gave way to my healing, allowing me to start trusting others again.
This did not happen overnight. The healing process was painful because I had to confront a lot of things from my past that I didn’t even want to remember. It was difficult because I had to forgive those who have hurt me. It was trying because I had to let go of the so many questions I had in my mind that I needed answers for.
Forgiveness and letting go are the key factors to learning to trust again. You have to remember though that not because you have forgotten something painful means that you have forgiven and let go. This was exactly the case with me. God taught me that forgiving the people who have hurt me means releasing them to His care so that I will not give them anymore the power to hurt me. I’ve also learned that forgiveness that does not have to go with my feelings. I forgive out of obedience to God and not because I feel ready for it.
While it is easy to trust God because of His very nature, it is not as easy trusting men who will fail you. Again, this is something I have learned over time. It is not the person that I should trust but the Man who died for me. This is why it becomes easier to trust someone who is also surrendered to Jesus. And this is why being married to a man who truly loves God has helped a lot in healing me and in learning to trust again. Though he is far from perfect, he continues to submit to God’s Word and His perfect will, and therefore God continues to perfect that which concerns him. His love for God gives him the ability to love me the way God wants me to be loved.
Surrender to Jesus … Forgiveness … Letting Go … Trusting the Man who died for you … Being with someone who truly loves God … these are the factors that made me learn to trust again.
Only Jesus was able to put back the broken and smashed pieces of my heart, leaving not even a trace of crack on it.
~Lisa Maki~
Lying To Yourself
The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful.
Proverbs 12:22
All of us have known since we were kids that lying is not good. It’s probably one of the first things we’ve learned from our parents about what is bad. Yet, how many times have we lied to others? How many times have we even justified it as ‘white lies’? There is no such thing! A lie is a lie. The worse part is, we may be aware of our lying to others but oblivious of the lies that we have made to ourselves.
Lying to our self is one of the worst things we can do. It is deceiving our very self. Unfortunately, this is something that happens without our total awareness. Self-lying, as I will call it, occurs as a result of something we did that we don’t even want to admit to ourselves. It may be something hurtful or shameful that we don’t ever want to deal with. The incident is not only pushed so way back but even erased at times. The danger about this is that the issues behind the lies or denial are not dealt with accordingly. Instead of allowing it to heal, it is buried deep. And each time these issues resurface, chances are it will just be pushed back again, adding to the lie.
Self-lying also occurs when a person wants to be accepted and therefore makes up a false image of who she is not. This surely brings about a distorted self-concept. Sad to say, I see a lot of girls trapped in this lie.
Refusing to deal with a problem is also part of self-lying. A minister may be struggling with lust issues for so many years but because he refuses to admit that he has a problem, goes on lying to himself, believing there is nothing wrong with him and that his problem is just temporary. This problem will blow up on his face one day, and may end up destroying not only him but the people close to him as well.
Every temptation and trial we go through is God’s way of exposing underlying issues within us. When we get angry, there may be issues on bitterness that we have pushed way back. When we get sick, there may be some unforgiveness issues deep in our hearts. When we lust, there may be some sexual issues that have never been dealt with. When we get offended, there may be issues on rejection that we have long buried. The reason why they are resurfacing is because God wants to heal them. If we ignore these signs, then we end up lying to ourselves over and over again.
Think about your own issues. Think about the lies you made to yourself. What incidents have you tried to erase from your memory? What issues have you refused to deal with and confront?
These are the first steps to finally, once and for all, allow us to be honest with ourselves. This is now between you and God. Nobody else has to know about it, unless you feel led to share it with someone. Ask God to expose to you your issues that need to be dealt with. Get serious about healing and deliverance. This may be a painful and tedious process but it will be worth it. It will finally give you that much-awaited peace you’ve been longing for. It will make your feet light and will propel you to the next level. It will clear you of any baggage and guilt that the devil has been using against you. It will finally release you from your captivity.
~Lisa Maki~
Proverbs 12:22
All of us have known since we were kids that lying is not good. It’s probably one of the first things we’ve learned from our parents about what is bad. Yet, how many times have we lied to others? How many times have we even justified it as ‘white lies’? There is no such thing! A lie is a lie. The worse part is, we may be aware of our lying to others but oblivious of the lies that we have made to ourselves.
Lying to our self is one of the worst things we can do. It is deceiving our very self. Unfortunately, this is something that happens without our total awareness. Self-lying, as I will call it, occurs as a result of something we did that we don’t even want to admit to ourselves. It may be something hurtful or shameful that we don’t ever want to deal with. The incident is not only pushed so way back but even erased at times. The danger about this is that the issues behind the lies or denial are not dealt with accordingly. Instead of allowing it to heal, it is buried deep. And each time these issues resurface, chances are it will just be pushed back again, adding to the lie.
Self-lying also occurs when a person wants to be accepted and therefore makes up a false image of who she is not. This surely brings about a distorted self-concept. Sad to say, I see a lot of girls trapped in this lie.
Refusing to deal with a problem is also part of self-lying. A minister may be struggling with lust issues for so many years but because he refuses to admit that he has a problem, goes on lying to himself, believing there is nothing wrong with him and that his problem is just temporary. This problem will blow up on his face one day, and may end up destroying not only him but the people close to him as well.
Every temptation and trial we go through is God’s way of exposing underlying issues within us. When we get angry, there may be issues on bitterness that we have pushed way back. When we get sick, there may be some unforgiveness issues deep in our hearts. When we lust, there may be some sexual issues that have never been dealt with. When we get offended, there may be issues on rejection that we have long buried. The reason why they are resurfacing is because God wants to heal them. If we ignore these signs, then we end up lying to ourselves over and over again.
Think about your own issues. Think about the lies you made to yourself. What incidents have you tried to erase from your memory? What issues have you refused to deal with and confront?
These are the first steps to finally, once and for all, allow us to be honest with ourselves. This is now between you and God. Nobody else has to know about it, unless you feel led to share it with someone. Ask God to expose to you your issues that need to be dealt with. Get serious about healing and deliverance. This may be a painful and tedious process but it will be worth it. It will finally give you that much-awaited peace you’ve been longing for. It will make your feet light and will propel you to the next level. It will clear you of any baggage and guilt that the devil has been using against you. It will finally release you from your captivity.
~Lisa Maki~
Too Hot To Eat?
The warm summer days are perfect for that outdoor barbecue, especially if the temperature inside the house is high. Who wants to add to that! My mother always would say, "It's too hot to cook." or "You're just not hungry when it's this hot." Obviously, growing up, we did not have air conditioning. It just doesn't get that warm for that many days in the Pacific Northwest to warrant it. So, to stay cool, we ate cool---mostly salads and fruit or something light for lunch and then for dinner, out came the charcoal barbecue.
If you enjoy cooking outdoors, but wonder about the safety of your condiments, you're not alone. How long has that ketchup, mustard, and relish been in the fridge, and is it good still?
Below is a partial list of suggested storage times from the Food Safety and Inspection Service, a division of the Department of Agriculture. It shows the length of time each item is likely to maintain optimal quality in the fridge once it has been opened. You can also find storage times for other condiments at StillTasty.com.
Some condiments, like ketchup and mustard, have high acidity and are refrigerated to preserve taste, not for safety reasons. So, if you leave them out of the fridge, or have a power outage lasting a few hours, and the temperature is above 40 degrees, it is not necessary to toss them out according to manufacturers and Consumer's Report. Of course, creamy-based dressings are an exception and must be discarded after two hours above 40 degrees. It's best to keep them out of the hot sun just to be on the safe side.
Here are the suggested refrigerator storage times for some of the more popular condiments:
Ketchup, cocktail, or chili sauce....6 months
Mustard....1 year
Worcestershire sauce....1 year
Barbecue sauce....4 months
Horseradish...3 to 4 months
Mayonnaise and salad dressings....up to 2 months
Jams and jellies....6 months
Chutney...1 to 2 months
Again, these are storage times for optimal quality to preserve the nutrition and flavor of opened containers.
Isn't it comforting to know that if you are a believer in Christ, you have no expiration date! Follow His examples by reading God's Word and learning His heart. Then, you too will have "optimal quality" no matter your "storage time" here on earth.
So, slather on the barbecue sauce, pour the iced tea, and get out there and barbecue up a storm!
Enjoy and be blessed knowing you are loved by the One who created Heaven and Earth... and you!
~Karla Hiers~
If you enjoy cooking outdoors, but wonder about the safety of your condiments, you're not alone. How long has that ketchup, mustard, and relish been in the fridge, and is it good still?
Below is a partial list of suggested storage times from the Food Safety and Inspection Service, a division of the Department of Agriculture. It shows the length of time each item is likely to maintain optimal quality in the fridge once it has been opened. You can also find storage times for other condiments at StillTasty.com.
Some condiments, like ketchup and mustard, have high acidity and are refrigerated to preserve taste, not for safety reasons. So, if you leave them out of the fridge, or have a power outage lasting a few hours, and the temperature is above 40 degrees, it is not necessary to toss them out according to manufacturers and Consumer's Report. Of course, creamy-based dressings are an exception and must be discarded after two hours above 40 degrees. It's best to keep them out of the hot sun just to be on the safe side.
Here are the suggested refrigerator storage times for some of the more popular condiments:
Ketchup, cocktail, or chili sauce....6 months
Mustard....1 year
Worcestershire sauce....1 year
Barbecue sauce....4 months
Horseradish...3 to 4 months
Mayonnaise and salad dressings....up to 2 months
Jams and jellies....6 months
Chutney...1 to 2 months
Again, these are storage times for optimal quality to preserve the nutrition and flavor of opened containers.
Isn't it comforting to know that if you are a believer in Christ, you have no expiration date! Follow His examples by reading God's Word and learning His heart. Then, you too will have "optimal quality" no matter your "storage time" here on earth.
So, slather on the barbecue sauce, pour the iced tea, and get out there and barbecue up a storm!
Enjoy and be blessed knowing you are loved by the One who created Heaven and Earth... and you!
~Karla Hiers~
You'll Never Know What Marriage Is Until You Get There
I thought I knew everything about marriage until I was married. All I could think of back then was that I needed a covering … a husband who will lead me closer to Jesus … a man I can spend the rest of my life with … a man who I can pray with and read the Word with … a man I can be intimate with. I was tired of waiting and felt I already lived my single life to the fullest.
What I didn’t know and which you may not probably realize as well until you get there are the things I am going to share with you here.
Though I knew then that when you get married you become one with the other person, I didn’t realize that the becoming one is a challenging and humbling process. A lot of couples give up on this part and they just decide to live separate lives. Honestly, it is easier to just do the things I have been used to doing than adapt myself to what my husband is doing. Yet, the Bible says that wives are to adapt to their husbands (Ephesians 5:22). Though we are still to maintain our own identities, it is the role of the wife to “adapt”, meaning, to adjust or modify fittingly. This became one of my greatest struggles during the early part of my marriage.
My husband used to complain to me that I was quick to jump into something when he is doing something. I used to be so defensive about this explaining to him that I have always been an “on-to-go” person, always thinking of something to do. He said something to me one day that really hit me. He asked me how I can be available for him when he needs me if I always keep myself busy with other things. That’s when I really started praying and examining myself.
Wives are their husband’s help-meet. The Hebrew meaning for the word help meet is simply one who helps. As a wife, I have to be by my husband’s side. As a wife, I am also called to subordinate myself to my husband, meaning, I have to subordinate even my ministry under him.
My concept of marriage before was that my husband and I will work side by side, him doing his own thing while I do my own thing, and we will just complement each other. Though there is nothing wrong with this, I didn’t see myself as subordinating everything to him, or being available to stand by his side.
Looking at the other side of the coin, it is the husband’s responsibility to lead his wife. This is not easy for a man who is used to just leading himself and it is even more difficult for a man who has a wife who knows exactly what she is doing. This was the case with my husband. Though he wanted me by his side to help him, he didn’t know how to teach me to work with him. So he ended up working separately from me. And since I didn’t know how to adapt and subordinate, I ended up working separately from him too. This surely caused a lot of strain in our marriage.
Though I am learning to adapt and subordinate to him and he is learning to lead me more effectively, we still have a long ways to go. We both realize that being one takes time and that what is important is for us to continue submitting ourselves and our marriage to God and His perfect will.
Another thing I’ve learned about marriage that I didn’t realize back then was the self-giving and sacrifice. Though I’ve heard about this a lot of times, I didn’t understand what it really was until I was there. I thought I could do almost everything I used to do. I didn’t realize that even my quiet time with the Lord will be affected. Paul himself warned us about this. He said:
My desire is to have you free from all anxiety and distressing care. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord; But the married man is anxious about worldly matters—how he may please his wife. And he is drawn in diverging directions [his interests are divided and he is distracted from his devotion to God]. And the unmarried woman or girl is concerned and anxious about the matters of the Lord, how to be wholly separated and set apart in body and spirit; but the married woman has her cares [centered] in earthly affairs—how she may please her husband. Now I say this for your own welfare and profit, not to put [a halter of] restraint upon you, but to promote what is seemly and in good order and to secure your undistracted and undivided devotion to the Lord
(1 Corinthians 7:32-35).
Though I am still able to spend undivided time with the Lord, it is not the same as when I was single and I had the luxury of time to just stay in His presence for two hours. Praise Jesus I made the most of that time.
The greatest thing I’ve learned about marriage is its parallelism with God and His church. When I read from a book that the Bible starts and ends in marriage, I then realized that I am not just a wife for the heck of it. I am in my marriage for me to understand better the relationship of God with us, His people. Everything about the marriage, from courtship to the marriage itself is symbolic to everything that God did for us.
I watched a video explaining an ancient Jewish wedding and its parallelism with Jesus and His church. The man goes to the house of the woman he desires to marry and talks to her father. If the woman’s father gives him the permission, the man knocks at the woman’s bedroom. If the woman likes him, she then opens the door for him. This is where the engagement happens. The woman bathes and then prepares a meal for her and her groom to be. They eat the meal together. The groom-to-be gives her presents and then leaves her to prepare a home for them. The presents are also reminders for the bride to be, so she will always remember her future groom and not get weary waiting for him. The groom-to-be goes home to his father’s house and his father helps him prepare his home for his future bride. After the house is built, the groom-to-be returns to his bride and blows a trumpet outside her house. The bride goes out and his groom takes her home and brings her to their honeymoon suite where they spend seven days of time alone together. After seven days, they get out of their honeymoon chamber and have a marriage celebration.
The man knocking at the woman’s door is parallel to Jesus knocking at our hearts. The woman opening the door is us opening our hearts to Jesus and receiving Him as Lord and Savior. The woman bathing is parallel to our water baptism while the sharing of meal is the breaking of bread or Communion. The gifts represent the Holy Spirit who Jesus left with us after He went back to His Father’s house. Jesus is still preparing a home for us. When He returns there will also be a blowing of the shofar. And He will take us home where there will be a great wedding feast.
Truly, marriage is bigger than what I thought it was.
So if you are single, and you have been waiting to be married, know that the reason for your long wait is because God is preparing you for something bigger than what you’re thinking. Enjoy your blessed singleness to the fullest as you will not have the luxury of time again.
If you are married and struggling in your marriage, bear in mind what I shared with you here about the parallelism of your marriage to Jesus’ relationship with us. Think of your marriage as a representation of Jesus’ church. With this in mind, know that you have been called for a higher calling and that God gave you a stewardship of this marriage. If you are a man, then you are called to present your wife to Jesus the way He will present His church to His Father. If you are a wife, you are called to adapt to your husband the way a church submits to the leadership of Jesus Christ.
It doesn’t matter how difficult your husband or wife may be. Continue submitting to the Lord and doing your part in that marriage, and God will do His part.
~Lisa Maki~
What I didn’t know and which you may not probably realize as well until you get there are the things I am going to share with you here.
Though I knew then that when you get married you become one with the other person, I didn’t realize that the becoming one is a challenging and humbling process. A lot of couples give up on this part and they just decide to live separate lives. Honestly, it is easier to just do the things I have been used to doing than adapt myself to what my husband is doing. Yet, the Bible says that wives are to adapt to their husbands (Ephesians 5:22). Though we are still to maintain our own identities, it is the role of the wife to “adapt”, meaning, to adjust or modify fittingly. This became one of my greatest struggles during the early part of my marriage.
My husband used to complain to me that I was quick to jump into something when he is doing something. I used to be so defensive about this explaining to him that I have always been an “on-to-go” person, always thinking of something to do. He said something to me one day that really hit me. He asked me how I can be available for him when he needs me if I always keep myself busy with other things. That’s when I really started praying and examining myself.
Wives are their husband’s help-meet. The Hebrew meaning for the word help meet is simply one who helps. As a wife, I have to be by my husband’s side. As a wife, I am also called to subordinate myself to my husband, meaning, I have to subordinate even my ministry under him.
My concept of marriage before was that my husband and I will work side by side, him doing his own thing while I do my own thing, and we will just complement each other. Though there is nothing wrong with this, I didn’t see myself as subordinating everything to him, or being available to stand by his side.
Looking at the other side of the coin, it is the husband’s responsibility to lead his wife. This is not easy for a man who is used to just leading himself and it is even more difficult for a man who has a wife who knows exactly what she is doing. This was the case with my husband. Though he wanted me by his side to help him, he didn’t know how to teach me to work with him. So he ended up working separately from me. And since I didn’t know how to adapt and subordinate, I ended up working separately from him too. This surely caused a lot of strain in our marriage.
Though I am learning to adapt and subordinate to him and he is learning to lead me more effectively, we still have a long ways to go. We both realize that being one takes time and that what is important is for us to continue submitting ourselves and our marriage to God and His perfect will.
Another thing I’ve learned about marriage that I didn’t realize back then was the self-giving and sacrifice. Though I’ve heard about this a lot of times, I didn’t understand what it really was until I was there. I thought I could do almost everything I used to do. I didn’t realize that even my quiet time with the Lord will be affected. Paul himself warned us about this. He said:
My desire is to have you free from all anxiety and distressing care. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord; But the married man is anxious about worldly matters—how he may please his wife. And he is drawn in diverging directions [his interests are divided and he is distracted from his devotion to God]. And the unmarried woman or girl is concerned and anxious about the matters of the Lord, how to be wholly separated and set apart in body and spirit; but the married woman has her cares [centered] in earthly affairs—how she may please her husband. Now I say this for your own welfare and profit, not to put [a halter of] restraint upon you, but to promote what is seemly and in good order and to secure your undistracted and undivided devotion to the Lord
(1 Corinthians 7:32-35).
Though I am still able to spend undivided time with the Lord, it is not the same as when I was single and I had the luxury of time to just stay in His presence for two hours. Praise Jesus I made the most of that time.
The greatest thing I’ve learned about marriage is its parallelism with God and His church. When I read from a book that the Bible starts and ends in marriage, I then realized that I am not just a wife for the heck of it. I am in my marriage for me to understand better the relationship of God with us, His people. Everything about the marriage, from courtship to the marriage itself is symbolic to everything that God did for us.
I watched a video explaining an ancient Jewish wedding and its parallelism with Jesus and His church. The man goes to the house of the woman he desires to marry and talks to her father. If the woman’s father gives him the permission, the man knocks at the woman’s bedroom. If the woman likes him, she then opens the door for him. This is where the engagement happens. The woman bathes and then prepares a meal for her and her groom to be. They eat the meal together. The groom-to-be gives her presents and then leaves her to prepare a home for them. The presents are also reminders for the bride to be, so she will always remember her future groom and not get weary waiting for him. The groom-to-be goes home to his father’s house and his father helps him prepare his home for his future bride. After the house is built, the groom-to-be returns to his bride and blows a trumpet outside her house. The bride goes out and his groom takes her home and brings her to their honeymoon suite where they spend seven days of time alone together. After seven days, they get out of their honeymoon chamber and have a marriage celebration.
The man knocking at the woman’s door is parallel to Jesus knocking at our hearts. The woman opening the door is us opening our hearts to Jesus and receiving Him as Lord and Savior. The woman bathing is parallel to our water baptism while the sharing of meal is the breaking of bread or Communion. The gifts represent the Holy Spirit who Jesus left with us after He went back to His Father’s house. Jesus is still preparing a home for us. When He returns there will also be a blowing of the shofar. And He will take us home where there will be a great wedding feast.
Truly, marriage is bigger than what I thought it was.
So if you are single, and you have been waiting to be married, know that the reason for your long wait is because God is preparing you for something bigger than what you’re thinking. Enjoy your blessed singleness to the fullest as you will not have the luxury of time again.
If you are married and struggling in your marriage, bear in mind what I shared with you here about the parallelism of your marriage to Jesus’ relationship with us. Think of your marriage as a representation of Jesus’ church. With this in mind, know that you have been called for a higher calling and that God gave you a stewardship of this marriage. If you are a man, then you are called to present your wife to Jesus the way He will present His church to His Father. If you are a wife, you are called to adapt to your husband the way a church submits to the leadership of Jesus Christ.
It doesn’t matter how difficult your husband or wife may be. Continue submitting to the Lord and doing your part in that marriage, and God will do His part.
~Lisa Maki~
Divide and Conquer
I once read a story of two horses that were in a competition of who can carry the heaviest load. The judges decided to experiment on the grand prize winner and the runner up to see the difference between the weight of their individual loads and the weight of the loads they can pull together. The result was that the combined strengths of both horses were able to pull a load that was double the total of their individual loads put together. If the sum total of their individual loads was 1+1=2, their combined forces resulted to 1+1=4.
This holds true for the oneness of the husband and wife.
Two are better than one, because they have a good [more satisfying] reward for their labor; For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie down together, then they have warmth; but how can one be warm alone? And though a man might prevail against him who is alone, two will withstand him. A threefold cord is not quickly broken (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).
The devil knows this too well which is why one of the most powerful weapons of the devil is to divide and conquer. He will do his best to divide the two and make them fight with each other so he can attack them individually and as a team. He will cause them to sin so they will also be separated from God. This is exactly what he did to Adam and Eve and what he continues to do with husbands and wives.
Have you tried going to bed without making up with your spouse? Have you tried carrying that hurt with you for hours, or maybe even for days? Didn’t you feel that big weight on your chest? Didn’t you toss in bed to and fro? Didn’t you feel so out of peace? Didn’t you also feel separated from God, like you couldn’t even pray? This is exactly what I’m talking about.
We are one with our spouses. When we fight with them and not resolve the problem, we get divided. This is our weakest and most vulnerable moment, and where the enemy will attack hard. I don’t know what divided Adam and Eve when Eve entertained the serpent. The enemy surely got her, and then her husband, and they both sinned and were separated from God.
Since arguments and fights are inevitable in any marriage, how do we handle this without being divided with our spouse?
Proverbs 17:14 answers this question. The beginning of strife is as when water first trickles (from a crack in a dam); therefore stop contention before it becomes worse and quarreling breaks out.
It clearly states here to stop contention or argument before it becomes worse and quarreling breaks out. In my previous article on Dealing with Arguments in Marriage, I said these very words…
Another thing I’ve learned is to detect the argument when it is starting. This is when I start praying in my mind for God’s grace and strength. This is when I bridle my tongue and control my flesh who wants to defend herself or to answer back.
Honestly, it’s pointless defending yourself or explaining your side in the midst of an argument. The best thing to do is let the argument subside and when things have settled down, then that’s the time to talk.
Psalm 34:14 says, Seek peace and pursue it.
Avoiding an argument from escalating is a way of putting this Scripture into action.
Again, we have to stop argument before quarreling breaks out. We have to detect it, which as I’ve said is what I am learning. I remember an incident when my husband corrected me over something I felt I didn’t have to be corrected for. I asked him for more details of what I specifically did wrong but he couldn’t tell it. So I got so upset and felt that he was being so critical of me. I felt my flesh rebelling again and I found myself being so defensive. The Holy Spirit was quick to remind me that I was getting in my flesh and that I had to shut up. We were driving to the vet then and praise God that I had a good excuse to leave the argument when we finally got to the parking lot. I got out of the car with our dog and just left my husband alone. Of course I was still upset. I wanted to just be in the vet forever so I didn’t have to deal with him and whatever his mood was. I knew it was going to be an argument if I continue talking. When I got back in the car, he brought up the topic again. I wanted to tell him: “Shut up”, but I held my tongue (thank you Yeshua for your grace). I told him I will examine myself and will be more careful next time. That’s when he calmed down.
So was I able to stop contention before it became worse? Yes, but sad to say, I allowed the devil to attack my thoughts. I listened to his lies, festered on my hurts, felt so divided with my husband, and carried it with me in bed. I was awake until 3am. When I woke up the next day I researched on Biblical reasons why we can’t go to sleep, one of which was because of some unresolved issues. I also sought God for a Word and the Scripture He gave me is the one I am sharing here from Proverbs 17:14...
The beginning of strife is as when water first trickles (from a crack in a dam); therefore stop contention before it becomes worse and quarreling breaks out.
I stopped contention right there but I allowed it to continue in my heart. Once we stop it, we have to leave it to the Lord and not even think about it. If there are issues that need to be resolved, we have to bring it before God and let Him deal with it. Resolving issues just right after stopping a contention will never work as it may trigger some emotions again that may lead to an even worse argument. In my experience, when I leave things to God, He is the One who talks to my husband. I don’t even have to do anything.
Our marriage was given to us by God as a gift. It is our role to guard it the way He commanded Adam to tend the garden. We are its stewards. Guarding it means being cautious of the enemy who roars like a roaring lion, seeking to divide us and then conquer us.
~Lisa Maki~
This holds true for the oneness of the husband and wife.
Two are better than one, because they have a good [more satisfying] reward for their labor; For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie down together, then they have warmth; but how can one be warm alone? And though a man might prevail against him who is alone, two will withstand him. A threefold cord is not quickly broken (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).
The devil knows this too well which is why one of the most powerful weapons of the devil is to divide and conquer. He will do his best to divide the two and make them fight with each other so he can attack them individually and as a team. He will cause them to sin so they will also be separated from God. This is exactly what he did to Adam and Eve and what he continues to do with husbands and wives.
Have you tried going to bed without making up with your spouse? Have you tried carrying that hurt with you for hours, or maybe even for days? Didn’t you feel that big weight on your chest? Didn’t you toss in bed to and fro? Didn’t you feel so out of peace? Didn’t you also feel separated from God, like you couldn’t even pray? This is exactly what I’m talking about.
We are one with our spouses. When we fight with them and not resolve the problem, we get divided. This is our weakest and most vulnerable moment, and where the enemy will attack hard. I don’t know what divided Adam and Eve when Eve entertained the serpent. The enemy surely got her, and then her husband, and they both sinned and were separated from God.
Since arguments and fights are inevitable in any marriage, how do we handle this without being divided with our spouse?
Proverbs 17:14 answers this question. The beginning of strife is as when water first trickles (from a crack in a dam); therefore stop contention before it becomes worse and quarreling breaks out.
It clearly states here to stop contention or argument before it becomes worse and quarreling breaks out. In my previous article on Dealing with Arguments in Marriage, I said these very words…
Another thing I’ve learned is to detect the argument when it is starting. This is when I start praying in my mind for God’s grace and strength. This is when I bridle my tongue and control my flesh who wants to defend herself or to answer back.
Honestly, it’s pointless defending yourself or explaining your side in the midst of an argument. The best thing to do is let the argument subside and when things have settled down, then that’s the time to talk.
Psalm 34:14 says, Seek peace and pursue it.
Avoiding an argument from escalating is a way of putting this Scripture into action.
Again, we have to stop argument before quarreling breaks out. We have to detect it, which as I’ve said is what I am learning. I remember an incident when my husband corrected me over something I felt I didn’t have to be corrected for. I asked him for more details of what I specifically did wrong but he couldn’t tell it. So I got so upset and felt that he was being so critical of me. I felt my flesh rebelling again and I found myself being so defensive. The Holy Spirit was quick to remind me that I was getting in my flesh and that I had to shut up. We were driving to the vet then and praise God that I had a good excuse to leave the argument when we finally got to the parking lot. I got out of the car with our dog and just left my husband alone. Of course I was still upset. I wanted to just be in the vet forever so I didn’t have to deal with him and whatever his mood was. I knew it was going to be an argument if I continue talking. When I got back in the car, he brought up the topic again. I wanted to tell him: “Shut up”, but I held my tongue (thank you Yeshua for your grace). I told him I will examine myself and will be more careful next time. That’s when he calmed down.
So was I able to stop contention before it became worse? Yes, but sad to say, I allowed the devil to attack my thoughts. I listened to his lies, festered on my hurts, felt so divided with my husband, and carried it with me in bed. I was awake until 3am. When I woke up the next day I researched on Biblical reasons why we can’t go to sleep, one of which was because of some unresolved issues. I also sought God for a Word and the Scripture He gave me is the one I am sharing here from Proverbs 17:14...
The beginning of strife is as when water first trickles (from a crack in a dam); therefore stop contention before it becomes worse and quarreling breaks out.
I stopped contention right there but I allowed it to continue in my heart. Once we stop it, we have to leave it to the Lord and not even think about it. If there are issues that need to be resolved, we have to bring it before God and let Him deal with it. Resolving issues just right after stopping a contention will never work as it may trigger some emotions again that may lead to an even worse argument. In my experience, when I leave things to God, He is the One who talks to my husband. I don’t even have to do anything.
Our marriage was given to us by God as a gift. It is our role to guard it the way He commanded Adam to tend the garden. We are its stewards. Guarding it means being cautious of the enemy who roars like a roaring lion, seeking to divide us and then conquer us.
~Lisa Maki~
The Day I Lost My Virginity
I was only 14 years old when I lost my virginity. It started with finally agreeing to be the girlfriend of this guy I didn’t even like. It was summer and I thought that having a boyfriend will be fun. Besides, with a very strict Dad, I’d rather have a boyfriend as an outlet.
First was the kiss. Next was the fondling. He gained control over me each time we advanced into the next step. I felt like a robot that just followed what he told me to do. Though I didn’t enjoy what I was doing, I still did it. Stupid as it may sound, I felt obligated to do as he wished. Perhaps it was my yearning for attention. Maybe it was my rebellion against my Dad. Or it can also be his very manipulative ways. Whatever it was, it was something that brought misery into my life, and which brought about so many issues, some of them I am still dealing with until now.
Eventually, the fondling led to actual sex. It was very painful and almost mechanical. I felt numb. There was nothing intimate or even beautiful about it. All I can remember was that I couldn’t walk straight the next day. Despite the negative experience I’ve had, I still thought to myself that this man was going to be my husband, since he was the one I gave my virginity to. That just made me more trapped. The sex continued and it became something that I just had to do.
Losing my virginity at 14 distorted the beauty of sex in my mind, which I carried on with me for a long time. It also resulted to a pregnancy, and then a marriage that I was not ready for. It robbed me off my youth and stole so many opportunities from me. It also led to a miserable marriage that ended up in an annulment, hurting my two children.
Because of my early exposure to sex, my body became very open to it while my mind and emotions remained detached. Sex with emotional intimacy was very strange to me. I saw sex as just a physical act and could not relate any strong emotional feelings to it.
My very early serious involvement did not allow my emotions to mature and be more prepared for the challenges ahead. As I mentioned earlier, the sex became my entrapment, keeping me in bondage to a relationship that was not healthy for me. The cheatings and lies hurt me so bad yet made me feel so helpless about it. One hurt after the other made my heart more callous. Ultimately, the walls around my heart grew so thick and high that nobody could even penetrate it.
My pains also brought about a spirit of vendetta in me … a vengeance not just against my ex-husband but men in general. Sex became a way for me to bait men, with the intention of dumping them.
I didn’t realize how severe my issues were until I found Jesus and surrendered my life to Him. It was then that the healing process began. Slowly, God started exposing my issues to me one by one … issues that were deep seated … issues that traced way back to the day I lost my virginity.
God started revealing to me why He never allowed fornication (sex before marriage) in the first place. He designed sex for marriage, for the husband and the wife to enjoy as a gift from Him and a gift to each other. My virginity was my present to my husband on the day that we make a vow to each other, in marriage. It was meant only for him, not to be given to anyone else, and not to be given before its time.
Though I ended up marrying the man I gave my virginity to, the marriage was not God’s perfect plan for me. It was the result of a pregnancy, which was the result of fornication. No wonder it was doomed to fail from day one.
Praise Jesus for healing, deliverance, and restoration. Though there are still some issues I am dealing with, for the most part I am totally healed and restored. This healing gave way to a new marriage, this time from the Lord, and this time, with my gift for him … a virginity that God restored.
~Lisa Maki~
First was the kiss. Next was the fondling. He gained control over me each time we advanced into the next step. I felt like a robot that just followed what he told me to do. Though I didn’t enjoy what I was doing, I still did it. Stupid as it may sound, I felt obligated to do as he wished. Perhaps it was my yearning for attention. Maybe it was my rebellion against my Dad. Or it can also be his very manipulative ways. Whatever it was, it was something that brought misery into my life, and which brought about so many issues, some of them I am still dealing with until now.
Eventually, the fondling led to actual sex. It was very painful and almost mechanical. I felt numb. There was nothing intimate or even beautiful about it. All I can remember was that I couldn’t walk straight the next day. Despite the negative experience I’ve had, I still thought to myself that this man was going to be my husband, since he was the one I gave my virginity to. That just made me more trapped. The sex continued and it became something that I just had to do.
Losing my virginity at 14 distorted the beauty of sex in my mind, which I carried on with me for a long time. It also resulted to a pregnancy, and then a marriage that I was not ready for. It robbed me off my youth and stole so many opportunities from me. It also led to a miserable marriage that ended up in an annulment, hurting my two children.
Because of my early exposure to sex, my body became very open to it while my mind and emotions remained detached. Sex with emotional intimacy was very strange to me. I saw sex as just a physical act and could not relate any strong emotional feelings to it.
My very early serious involvement did not allow my emotions to mature and be more prepared for the challenges ahead. As I mentioned earlier, the sex became my entrapment, keeping me in bondage to a relationship that was not healthy for me. The cheatings and lies hurt me so bad yet made me feel so helpless about it. One hurt after the other made my heart more callous. Ultimately, the walls around my heart grew so thick and high that nobody could even penetrate it.
My pains also brought about a spirit of vendetta in me … a vengeance not just against my ex-husband but men in general. Sex became a way for me to bait men, with the intention of dumping them.
I didn’t realize how severe my issues were until I found Jesus and surrendered my life to Him. It was then that the healing process began. Slowly, God started exposing my issues to me one by one … issues that were deep seated … issues that traced way back to the day I lost my virginity.
God started revealing to me why He never allowed fornication (sex before marriage) in the first place. He designed sex for marriage, for the husband and the wife to enjoy as a gift from Him and a gift to each other. My virginity was my present to my husband on the day that we make a vow to each other, in marriage. It was meant only for him, not to be given to anyone else, and not to be given before its time.
Though I ended up marrying the man I gave my virginity to, the marriage was not God’s perfect plan for me. It was the result of a pregnancy, which was the result of fornication. No wonder it was doomed to fail from day one.
Praise Jesus for healing, deliverance, and restoration. Though there are still some issues I am dealing with, for the most part I am totally healed and restored. This healing gave way to a new marriage, this time from the Lord, and this time, with my gift for him … a virginity that God restored.
~Lisa Maki~
Hurt-Proof Your Heart
I recently saw a tweet from a teenager saying that “feelings make relationships complicated”. I totally agree with this. If only we won’t get hurt in relationships, then everything will be fine. Sad to say, hurts will always be a part of any relationship, more so a guy-girl relationship. These hurts can either make or break you. These hurts can either teach you to learn to love or lead you to hate. These hurts will affect your future relationships.
Since hurts are inevitable in a relationship, how do you manage it? Is there a way to hurt-proof your heart or at least make the hurt more bearable?
The first thing I want you to understand is that the heart has its stages of growth too. The less mature and prepared it is to handle the challenges of a relationship, the more prone it is to getting severely hurt. The second thing I want you to bear in mind is that the closer you get to a person, the more hurt you will get.
Let’s focus on the first thing for now. Though some girls mature faster than the others, the stages of growth of their hearts generally fall in the same category or phase during the teenage years. A 14 year old girl getting into a serious relationship with a guy is surely setting herself up for trouble. It doesn’t matter whether she is more mature than her other 14 year old friends. Her heart is still too young to be seriously involved with anyone. I should know. I’ve been there.
I was 14 when I had a serious relationship with a guy four years older than me. I was always thinking about him even when I was at school. He became a distraction for me. I missed some of my classes just for him and let go of a lot of opportunities in school that would have made me a better student. Things got worse when I discovered that he was cheating on me. I got so hurt yet I was already so involved with him. My friends could not even relate to what I was going through. I felt alone. Of course! What did I expect? I was too young to be facing all those things. I should have been enjoying my friends and getting to know other guys better. But nope! I got trapped in a relationship that surely hurt me more than it made me happy.
So you may ask: What if it’s not a serious relationship? My answer is: Any relationship where you commit to be somebody else’s can lead to a serious relationship.
Another question you may ask is: What is the right age to be in a serious relationship? My answer is: When you’re ready to get married.
Now don’t get shocked. I will explain to you why. And this is not just my own conclusion but what God Himself says. But before I proceed, let me go back to the second thing I said earlier that I want you to bear in mind: the closer you get to a person, the more hurt you will get.
When you are in a serious relationship, regardless of what age you are in, you will be so carried away by your feelings. There is no way you can stop yourself from kissing, fondling, making out, and eventually having sex. One thing will surely lead to another. Even if you have the strongest self-control, your boyfriend is just a man who can easily be aroused. And because of your love for him, it is so easy to be carried away with him. If the two of you commit to each other that you won’t have sex, how long will you be able to sustain that?
Every girl and woman who has been physically intimate with a man has been attached to him. Everything changes when you have sex with your boyfriend, more so if he is the first one. You will feel so attached to him that you can’t even think of being separated from him. You know why? ... because God designed sex for the husband and wife in marriage, as a way of making them “one”. Sex was designed for that sole purpose. Anything outside of the way it was designed will never work.
This is the reason why a girl gets so attached to a guy who she has sex with. She establishes some soul-ties with him. He becomes a part of her. Imagine if she has sex with several other guys. All of them will become a part of her, which she will be carrying into her other relationships and eventually to her marriage.
Since sex was designed by God only for marriage, and since it is not easy resisting sex when you are seriously involved with someone, doesn’t it make sense to just wait to have a relationship when you are already considering marriage?
God Himself said in Song of Solomon 8:4: “Do not awaken love until it pleases“. He surely knows us more than we even know ourselves. He knows that once that love is awakened before its time, it can lead to the distortion of His design of sex, which can badly hurt us.
Had I not given in to sex at a very young age, and prior to marriage, I wouldn’t have gotten as hurt as I was. I would have easily left my then boyfriend who cheated on me since there would not have been any soul ties. Better yet, had I not given in to having a boyfriend at that time, I would have been spared of all those lies and betrayals.
Sex is God’s gift for the married couple … for them to enjoy together. A woman’s virginity is her gift to her husband, and vice-versa. This is why God warns against fornication or sex before marriage. He wants us to guard this gift so we can enjoy it to the fullest.
So again you may ask: You mean I have to wait till I’m ready to get married before I can even have a boyfriend? My answer is: If you can keep yourself pure and not engage in any sexual act prior to your marriage, then you can give it a try. However, it is still better that you wait for the right time, to help you avoid problems that will just be hindrances and distractions to the fulfillment of your God-given purpose.
And if you are not a virgin anymore, it is never too late to repent before God and this time around, guard your purity and preserve it for your future husband. It worked for me. It will surely work for you too.
Now going back to my first question and the very essence of this article … How do you hurt-proof your heart? My ultimate answer is: By following my advice, obeying the Word of God, and keeping your focus on Him.
If you have more concerns other than the ones I’ve mentioned here, or if you need further explanation, feel free to email me at [email protected].
~Lisa Maki~
Since hurts are inevitable in a relationship, how do you manage it? Is there a way to hurt-proof your heart or at least make the hurt more bearable?
The first thing I want you to understand is that the heart has its stages of growth too. The less mature and prepared it is to handle the challenges of a relationship, the more prone it is to getting severely hurt. The second thing I want you to bear in mind is that the closer you get to a person, the more hurt you will get.
Let’s focus on the first thing for now. Though some girls mature faster than the others, the stages of growth of their hearts generally fall in the same category or phase during the teenage years. A 14 year old girl getting into a serious relationship with a guy is surely setting herself up for trouble. It doesn’t matter whether she is more mature than her other 14 year old friends. Her heart is still too young to be seriously involved with anyone. I should know. I’ve been there.
I was 14 when I had a serious relationship with a guy four years older than me. I was always thinking about him even when I was at school. He became a distraction for me. I missed some of my classes just for him and let go of a lot of opportunities in school that would have made me a better student. Things got worse when I discovered that he was cheating on me. I got so hurt yet I was already so involved with him. My friends could not even relate to what I was going through. I felt alone. Of course! What did I expect? I was too young to be facing all those things. I should have been enjoying my friends and getting to know other guys better. But nope! I got trapped in a relationship that surely hurt me more than it made me happy.
So you may ask: What if it’s not a serious relationship? My answer is: Any relationship where you commit to be somebody else’s can lead to a serious relationship.
Another question you may ask is: What is the right age to be in a serious relationship? My answer is: When you’re ready to get married.
Now don’t get shocked. I will explain to you why. And this is not just my own conclusion but what God Himself says. But before I proceed, let me go back to the second thing I said earlier that I want you to bear in mind: the closer you get to a person, the more hurt you will get.
When you are in a serious relationship, regardless of what age you are in, you will be so carried away by your feelings. There is no way you can stop yourself from kissing, fondling, making out, and eventually having sex. One thing will surely lead to another. Even if you have the strongest self-control, your boyfriend is just a man who can easily be aroused. And because of your love for him, it is so easy to be carried away with him. If the two of you commit to each other that you won’t have sex, how long will you be able to sustain that?
Every girl and woman who has been physically intimate with a man has been attached to him. Everything changes when you have sex with your boyfriend, more so if he is the first one. You will feel so attached to him that you can’t even think of being separated from him. You know why? ... because God designed sex for the husband and wife in marriage, as a way of making them “one”. Sex was designed for that sole purpose. Anything outside of the way it was designed will never work.
This is the reason why a girl gets so attached to a guy who she has sex with. She establishes some soul-ties with him. He becomes a part of her. Imagine if she has sex with several other guys. All of them will become a part of her, which she will be carrying into her other relationships and eventually to her marriage.
Since sex was designed by God only for marriage, and since it is not easy resisting sex when you are seriously involved with someone, doesn’t it make sense to just wait to have a relationship when you are already considering marriage?
God Himself said in Song of Solomon 8:4: “Do not awaken love until it pleases“. He surely knows us more than we even know ourselves. He knows that once that love is awakened before its time, it can lead to the distortion of His design of sex, which can badly hurt us.
Had I not given in to sex at a very young age, and prior to marriage, I wouldn’t have gotten as hurt as I was. I would have easily left my then boyfriend who cheated on me since there would not have been any soul ties. Better yet, had I not given in to having a boyfriend at that time, I would have been spared of all those lies and betrayals.
Sex is God’s gift for the married couple … for them to enjoy together. A woman’s virginity is her gift to her husband, and vice-versa. This is why God warns against fornication or sex before marriage. He wants us to guard this gift so we can enjoy it to the fullest.
So again you may ask: You mean I have to wait till I’m ready to get married before I can even have a boyfriend? My answer is: If you can keep yourself pure and not engage in any sexual act prior to your marriage, then you can give it a try. However, it is still better that you wait for the right time, to help you avoid problems that will just be hindrances and distractions to the fulfillment of your God-given purpose.
And if you are not a virgin anymore, it is never too late to repent before God and this time around, guard your purity and preserve it for your future husband. It worked for me. It will surely work for you too.
Now going back to my first question and the very essence of this article … How do you hurt-proof your heart? My ultimate answer is: By following my advice, obeying the Word of God, and keeping your focus on Him.
If you have more concerns other than the ones I’ve mentioned here, or if you need further explanation, feel free to email me at [email protected].
~Lisa Maki~
Building Integrity
I would like to define integrity as a consistent set of actions, values, principles, and outcomes that show a person’s honesty and trustworthiness. Consistency is the key here. It is not just being honest in one area, but in all areas. It is not just being truthful today, but everyday. In short, a person of integrity is someone who has proven over time that she is someone you can rely on. There is a consistent track record.
Trust is built over time and integrity is the key to winning this trust. A person with integrity will automatically win people’s respect. She doesn’t even have to try too hard. People will know because of the consistency they have seen and continue to see in her.
God Himself honors integrity in His people. Proverbs 2:7 says: He is a shield to those who walk uprightly and in integrity.
What do people of integrity have that those without don’t have? What character traits do they possess? What led them to be people of integrity?
People of integrity have strong and solid moral values. They are very aware of how their actions affect the way people look at them. They value their reputation and guard it safely. They are forward looking and know how to carefully chart their course. They think before they act and exercise wisdom in their decisions.
Integrity is built through time through a series of consistent actions that reflect honesty and stability. When you have integrity, people will trust you because they know that you will do as you say.
As true believers of Jesus Christ, people expect us to have this integrity. Unfortunately, most of the time, it’s the other way around. A lot of Christians disgrace the name of our Lord by being worse than those who do not know the Lord. This should not be the case. A person who claims to be a true believer (meaning, she has totally surrendered herself to Jesus Christ, has turned back from her old life, has a personal relationship with Jesus, loves Jesus, and obeys His Word and commands) should have a far greater capacity for building integrity since she is leaning on the most solid principles that God Himself has set.
As Christians we have to realize that it is not just our reputation that we are protecting but the name of our Lord Jesus Christ who we are representing. If we continue to walk in integrity, then those of the outside world will take our message more seriously.
Building integrity comes more natural for others, while more difficult for some. A person who has had a history of criminal records will find it very challenging to even establish integrity. Not only will people doubt his credibility but he will have to change his entire mindset.
Romans 12:2 says: Do not be conformed to this world (this age), but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind.
The best way to renew the mind is to align it with the Word of God. Below are several Scriptures that will help you have a mindset of integrity.
2 Corinthians 8:21 For we aim at what is honorable not only in the Lord's sight but also in the sight of man.
Romans 12:17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.
2 Corinthians 4:2 But we have renounced disgraceful, underhanded ways. We refuse to practice cunning or to tamper with God's word, but by the open statement of the truth we would commend ourselves to everyone's conscience in the sight of God.
Matthew 5:37 Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.
1 Peter 2:12 Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation.
Being honorable ... renouncing disgraceful ways ... clear conscience ... consistency ... these are the character traits that God wants His children to have. If we bear this in mind, and if we truly love God and obey His Word, then we will live lives that exhibit integrity. Then we will not only win the approval of men but of God. And people will not only commend and respect us but will recognize who our God is.
~Lisa Maki~
Trust is built over time and integrity is the key to winning this trust. A person with integrity will automatically win people’s respect. She doesn’t even have to try too hard. People will know because of the consistency they have seen and continue to see in her.
God Himself honors integrity in His people. Proverbs 2:7 says: He is a shield to those who walk uprightly and in integrity.
What do people of integrity have that those without don’t have? What character traits do they possess? What led them to be people of integrity?
People of integrity have strong and solid moral values. They are very aware of how their actions affect the way people look at them. They value their reputation and guard it safely. They are forward looking and know how to carefully chart their course. They think before they act and exercise wisdom in their decisions.
Integrity is built through time through a series of consistent actions that reflect honesty and stability. When you have integrity, people will trust you because they know that you will do as you say.
As true believers of Jesus Christ, people expect us to have this integrity. Unfortunately, most of the time, it’s the other way around. A lot of Christians disgrace the name of our Lord by being worse than those who do not know the Lord. This should not be the case. A person who claims to be a true believer (meaning, she has totally surrendered herself to Jesus Christ, has turned back from her old life, has a personal relationship with Jesus, loves Jesus, and obeys His Word and commands) should have a far greater capacity for building integrity since she is leaning on the most solid principles that God Himself has set.
As Christians we have to realize that it is not just our reputation that we are protecting but the name of our Lord Jesus Christ who we are representing. If we continue to walk in integrity, then those of the outside world will take our message more seriously.
Building integrity comes more natural for others, while more difficult for some. A person who has had a history of criminal records will find it very challenging to even establish integrity. Not only will people doubt his credibility but he will have to change his entire mindset.
Romans 12:2 says: Do not be conformed to this world (this age), but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind.
The best way to renew the mind is to align it with the Word of God. Below are several Scriptures that will help you have a mindset of integrity.
2 Corinthians 8:21 For we aim at what is honorable not only in the Lord's sight but also in the sight of man.
Romans 12:17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.
2 Corinthians 4:2 But we have renounced disgraceful, underhanded ways. We refuse to practice cunning or to tamper with God's word, but by the open statement of the truth we would commend ourselves to everyone's conscience in the sight of God.
Matthew 5:37 Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.
1 Peter 2:12 Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation.
Being honorable ... renouncing disgraceful ways ... clear conscience ... consistency ... these are the character traits that God wants His children to have. If we bear this in mind, and if we truly love God and obey His Word, then we will live lives that exhibit integrity. Then we will not only win the approval of men but of God. And people will not only commend and respect us but will recognize who our God is.
~Lisa Maki~
Comfort and Style ... You can't beat that!
So here’s what I’m obsessed with this month ... loafers!
Ever wanted to be comfortable but yet still stylish? I have! Once I realized I loved fashion I totally wanted to immerse myself in all things fashion. In fact my boyfriend recently made a statement to me about me obtaining my degree in Communications, he said I should have gotten my degree in fashion since I love it so much! I couldn’t agree more but being fabulous isn’t something you can major in. You just sort of are!
I have recently fallen in love with loafers. Now I know that the sound of loafers automatically makes you think of an old person’s shoe, something someone your “mother’s” age would wear, but I’ve honestly seen some fabulous shoes, and not only that, but they’re insanely comfortable!
Loafers are great to wear with a cute pair of skinny jeans, a cute top and ponytail or down and flowy. These shoes are super fun and insanely fabulous and like I said they go with anything! So you can wear them when you’re running errands, a night out with the girls, date night, and work. They’re perfect for any occasion and you can dress them up or down.
I recently got a pair of Steve Maddens and we all know how much I love Steve! I can’t wait to wear these super cute shoes and I think they’re fun and flirty and give me a whole new level of fabulousness!
Girls they’re inexpensive, comfy and go with anything. You can’t go wrong with that!
Stay fabulous! XOXO
~Joy Norman~
Ever wanted to be comfortable but yet still stylish? I have! Once I realized I loved fashion I totally wanted to immerse myself in all things fashion. In fact my boyfriend recently made a statement to me about me obtaining my degree in Communications, he said I should have gotten my degree in fashion since I love it so much! I couldn’t agree more but being fabulous isn’t something you can major in. You just sort of are!
I have recently fallen in love with loafers. Now I know that the sound of loafers automatically makes you think of an old person’s shoe, something someone your “mother’s” age would wear, but I’ve honestly seen some fabulous shoes, and not only that, but they’re insanely comfortable!
Loafers are great to wear with a cute pair of skinny jeans, a cute top and ponytail or down and flowy. These shoes are super fun and insanely fabulous and like I said they go with anything! So you can wear them when you’re running errands, a night out with the girls, date night, and work. They’re perfect for any occasion and you can dress them up or down.
I recently got a pair of Steve Maddens and we all know how much I love Steve! I can’t wait to wear these super cute shoes and I think they’re fun and flirty and give me a whole new level of fabulousness!
Girls they’re inexpensive, comfy and go with anything. You can’t go wrong with that!
Stay fabulous! XOXO
~Joy Norman~
Don't Give Up
That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two female servants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.” But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” The man asked him, “What is your name?” “Jacob,” he answered. Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome." (Genesis 32:22-28)
I’m telling you, sometimes I just want to quit! Quit on people, quit on myself and quit my job, quit, quit, quit! However, it seems that every time I get at my worst, something begins to speak to me, from way down deep, "Don’t quit". I know that it is the still small voice of the Most High God.
The current journey that I want to quit, almost every other day, is the journey of a healthier, more fit lifestyle. "I cant' do it" I hear myself whine, trying to convince God. Silence is the answer I receive. "Okay," I mumble, "Up and at it again."
Strangely, I know that it is in this fight, like Jacob struggled with the Angel (God), where my victory lies.
One thing that I love about God is that it doesn't matter what our personal characteristics or abilities are or are not. Please understand that Jacob was no "perfect angel" - not at all. He was basically a con-artist; sneaky, and slippery. But Godstill saw fit to answer his prayer. God had a better plan for Jacob.
There are times in our lives when we need something different - even though we may not be sure of what that "different" is. Apparently, Jacob knew that he needed something different and new and he was DETERMINED TO HAVE IT! His determination caused him to tell the Angel, "I will not let you go, unless you bless me." Now, that is persistent faith!
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek Him." (Heb 11:6 NIV)
So, what is it that you want to give up on? You? Your spouse? Finances? Children? A habit or addiction you've been trying to break for a long, long time? Maybe you even thought you had the victory, and it raised its ugly head, yet again. Whatever the situation, whatever the struggle, it is in the struggle that you have the victory. If you give up, how can you win?
I don't know about yours but my Bible says that Jesus overcame the world (John 16:33). And because Jesus overcame the world and I am in Him and He is in me, I can overcome by His power. I must choose not to give in - and so must you
Whatever the situation is, do not give up. Like Jacob, you will receive your blessing if you refuse to quit!
Don’t ever give up!
~Lattice Shaw~
I’m telling you, sometimes I just want to quit! Quit on people, quit on myself and quit my job, quit, quit, quit! However, it seems that every time I get at my worst, something begins to speak to me, from way down deep, "Don’t quit". I know that it is the still small voice of the Most High God.
The current journey that I want to quit, almost every other day, is the journey of a healthier, more fit lifestyle. "I cant' do it" I hear myself whine, trying to convince God. Silence is the answer I receive. "Okay," I mumble, "Up and at it again."
Strangely, I know that it is in this fight, like Jacob struggled with the Angel (God), where my victory lies.
One thing that I love about God is that it doesn't matter what our personal characteristics or abilities are or are not. Please understand that Jacob was no "perfect angel" - not at all. He was basically a con-artist; sneaky, and slippery. But Godstill saw fit to answer his prayer. God had a better plan for Jacob.
There are times in our lives when we need something different - even though we may not be sure of what that "different" is. Apparently, Jacob knew that he needed something different and new and he was DETERMINED TO HAVE IT! His determination caused him to tell the Angel, "I will not let you go, unless you bless me." Now, that is persistent faith!
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek Him." (Heb 11:6 NIV)
So, what is it that you want to give up on? You? Your spouse? Finances? Children? A habit or addiction you've been trying to break for a long, long time? Maybe you even thought you had the victory, and it raised its ugly head, yet again. Whatever the situation, whatever the struggle, it is in the struggle that you have the victory. If you give up, how can you win?
I don't know about yours but my Bible says that Jesus overcame the world (John 16:33). And because Jesus overcame the world and I am in Him and He is in me, I can overcome by His power. I must choose not to give in - and so must you
Whatever the situation is, do not give up. Like Jacob, you will receive your blessing if you refuse to quit!
Don’t ever give up!
~Lattice Shaw~
Sometimes Our Walk Is Not Going To Be Easy
He is FOR YOU!
First let me say what made me write this article …
I have been going through a lot of things in my life for about a little over a year now. A lot of it is emotional things, things that I have to keep giving to God and allow Him to work it out. There are times when things are going good, and then BOOM something goes wrong. I have come to learn as I continue my journey as to what God has for me that life is not going to be easy, especially when you do it His way. What I mean by that is, HE (yes the lord) is going to put you through some things that you might not what to go through. I know that for me, I am learning to NOT let my emotions get in the way. Your emotions can become a stumbling block to keep you from doing what you are called. It’s still tough! We are emotional people.
For me, I show all my emotions on my face. If I’m hurt, happy, sad, or mad, YEAH, it ALL shows on my face. Jesus did say however that when you are called by Him you will live how He lived. Jesus was tempted and He was rejected by mankind. His OWN follower betrayed Him. Yet, through all that, Jesus never sinned and still accomplished the task He was sent to do.
As long as we live here on earth, we are going to be put through stuff, some to build us up (character building) or to test our FAITH in Him. We are not perfect and there will be times we fall or mess up, and God knows that. This is why He says, ”My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me”. (2 Corinthians 12:19). God loves us that much! I remind myself that God is my biggest cheerleader, especially when I feel like there is no one else. He wants us to succeed. He wants us to do it HIS way. Yeah, it might be painful at times. But the END will be so worth it.
KEEP MOVING FORWARD and as someone else constantly tells me time and time again…. KEEP WORSHIPING!
~Rebekah Coleman~
First let me say what made me write this article …
I have been going through a lot of things in my life for about a little over a year now. A lot of it is emotional things, things that I have to keep giving to God and allow Him to work it out. There are times when things are going good, and then BOOM something goes wrong. I have come to learn as I continue my journey as to what God has for me that life is not going to be easy, especially when you do it His way. What I mean by that is, HE (yes the lord) is going to put you through some things that you might not what to go through. I know that for me, I am learning to NOT let my emotions get in the way. Your emotions can become a stumbling block to keep you from doing what you are called. It’s still tough! We are emotional people.
For me, I show all my emotions on my face. If I’m hurt, happy, sad, or mad, YEAH, it ALL shows on my face. Jesus did say however that when you are called by Him you will live how He lived. Jesus was tempted and He was rejected by mankind. His OWN follower betrayed Him. Yet, through all that, Jesus never sinned and still accomplished the task He was sent to do.
As long as we live here on earth, we are going to be put through stuff, some to build us up (character building) or to test our FAITH in Him. We are not perfect and there will be times we fall or mess up, and God knows that. This is why He says, ”My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me”. (2 Corinthians 12:19). God loves us that much! I remind myself that God is my biggest cheerleader, especially when I feel like there is no one else. He wants us to succeed. He wants us to do it HIS way. Yeah, it might be painful at times. But the END will be so worth it.
KEEP MOVING FORWARD and as someone else constantly tells me time and time again…. KEEP WORSHIPING!
~Rebekah Coleman~