DEALING WITH MY HUSBAND'S PAST
FEBRUARY 2013
Lisa Maki
How I wish my husband and I were virgins when we met each other. How I wish we didn’t have a past to haunt us and affect our relationship. How I wish he was the only man I ever knew, and I was the only woman he ever knew. For sure a lot of you who are reading this article will say or wish the same things.
It is painful enough to know that my husband was with other women in the past. It is more painful when his past is brought up to me, like some horror movie I don’t even want to see. Yet, because of my being a woman of God and because of my love for my husband, I had to learn how to deal with his past without being so affected by it.
When I married my husband, I didn’t realize how a lot of his past relationships were still in his system. He had videos and pictures of ex-girlfriends in the house. One time he was playing a video and I saw him and an ex-girlfriend kissing. I turned away and felt sick. He said it was the past and that I shouldn’t make a big deal out of it. I thought he was very insensitive then, which he really was. He didn’t understand how I felt about it. This happened not only once but so many times. I even saw a picture of an ex-girlfriend in just her underwear, stashed in one of his albums.
One time we were in a restaurant and while we were waiting for our orders, a waitress came running to him, put her arms around his neck, and kissed him. I was so shocked that I couldn’t even say anything. Then my husband introduced me to her and said, “Meet my wife, Lisa”. I saw her face dropped. I wanted to wring her neck but my spirit took over. I was saying over and over in my mind: “You better thank God that I am saved or I would have pulled you out of this place while grabbing your hair”. I found out from my husband that she was an ex-girlfriend, or rather, a fling. See? This was how distorted my husband’s concept of his previous relationships. He basically called any girl he slept with as his ex-girlfriend.
To make matters worse, my husband had ex-girlfriends when he was already saved. These girls were also Christians. He connected one of these girls to me and we became friends. I looked at her as a sister in the Lord and there was no trace of jealousy in me towards her. But then she did something foul that made me cut her off from my list. She has actually done a lot of things that I have forgiven her for. However, this last one was enough for me to finally cut off ties with her. She posted a picture of her and my husband on my husband’s facebook wall for everyone to see. I don’t have to explain to you to know how drama, immature, and worldly that was.
I can go on and on in sharing with you countless stories about my husband’s past that really hurt me, but this is not the point for this write-up. My point is: God used all these hurts to draw me much closer to Him. It made me cry out to Him for help. It made me seek Him for greater wisdom on how to deal with all these in a Biblical way.
God showed me my position as a prayer warrior in my marriage. He taught me how to powerfully pray for my husband in the spiritual realm. I started casting out all spirits connected with all his ex-girlfriends. God also gave me the wisdom to explain certain things to my husband such as soul-ties, bondage breaking, and the importance of cutting off any trace of our past relationships. He gave me the boldness balanced with humility to confront my husband on certain issues about his past. The most powerful thing that God did to me was reminding me that I was no different from my husband ... that I was a sinner saved by grace ... that I had my own share of distortions ... that I slept with several men too.
All these learning experiences and revelations transformed me into a much better help-meet for my husband, which in effect made him fall in love with me more. The Scripture Love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8) became so alive in me. By loving my husband more, he ended up loving me even much more. His love for me became a very strong light that extinguished all the remaining residues of his soul ties with other females.
I will never forget the day when my husband gathered all pictures of ex-girlfriends into one pile, put them in an empty barrel, pour gasoline on it, lit it with fire, and burnt it. All that remained were ashes that were even blown away by the wind. I knew at that time that the ghosts from his past have finally left.
There are still times when a past girlfriend is brought up, but it has no power over me or him anymore. However, its loss of power came as a result of my hurts and brokenness, which led to my crying out to God, which led to wisdom from Him, and which led to obedience to what He told me to do.
You can’t handle your husband’s past issues on your own. Give it to God and He will lead the way for you.
Please go to our Warrior Prayer section for prayers you can use to deal with your husband’s past.
It is painful enough to know that my husband was with other women in the past. It is more painful when his past is brought up to me, like some horror movie I don’t even want to see. Yet, because of my being a woman of God and because of my love for my husband, I had to learn how to deal with his past without being so affected by it.
When I married my husband, I didn’t realize how a lot of his past relationships were still in his system. He had videos and pictures of ex-girlfriends in the house. One time he was playing a video and I saw him and an ex-girlfriend kissing. I turned away and felt sick. He said it was the past and that I shouldn’t make a big deal out of it. I thought he was very insensitive then, which he really was. He didn’t understand how I felt about it. This happened not only once but so many times. I even saw a picture of an ex-girlfriend in just her underwear, stashed in one of his albums.
One time we were in a restaurant and while we were waiting for our orders, a waitress came running to him, put her arms around his neck, and kissed him. I was so shocked that I couldn’t even say anything. Then my husband introduced me to her and said, “Meet my wife, Lisa”. I saw her face dropped. I wanted to wring her neck but my spirit took over. I was saying over and over in my mind: “You better thank God that I am saved or I would have pulled you out of this place while grabbing your hair”. I found out from my husband that she was an ex-girlfriend, or rather, a fling. See? This was how distorted my husband’s concept of his previous relationships. He basically called any girl he slept with as his ex-girlfriend.
To make matters worse, my husband had ex-girlfriends when he was already saved. These girls were also Christians. He connected one of these girls to me and we became friends. I looked at her as a sister in the Lord and there was no trace of jealousy in me towards her. But then she did something foul that made me cut her off from my list. She has actually done a lot of things that I have forgiven her for. However, this last one was enough for me to finally cut off ties with her. She posted a picture of her and my husband on my husband’s facebook wall for everyone to see. I don’t have to explain to you to know how drama, immature, and worldly that was.
I can go on and on in sharing with you countless stories about my husband’s past that really hurt me, but this is not the point for this write-up. My point is: God used all these hurts to draw me much closer to Him. It made me cry out to Him for help. It made me seek Him for greater wisdom on how to deal with all these in a Biblical way.
God showed me my position as a prayer warrior in my marriage. He taught me how to powerfully pray for my husband in the spiritual realm. I started casting out all spirits connected with all his ex-girlfriends. God also gave me the wisdom to explain certain things to my husband such as soul-ties, bondage breaking, and the importance of cutting off any trace of our past relationships. He gave me the boldness balanced with humility to confront my husband on certain issues about his past. The most powerful thing that God did to me was reminding me that I was no different from my husband ... that I was a sinner saved by grace ... that I had my own share of distortions ... that I slept with several men too.
All these learning experiences and revelations transformed me into a much better help-meet for my husband, which in effect made him fall in love with me more. The Scripture Love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8) became so alive in me. By loving my husband more, he ended up loving me even much more. His love for me became a very strong light that extinguished all the remaining residues of his soul ties with other females.
I will never forget the day when my husband gathered all pictures of ex-girlfriends into one pile, put them in an empty barrel, pour gasoline on it, lit it with fire, and burnt it. All that remained were ashes that were even blown away by the wind. I knew at that time that the ghosts from his past have finally left.
There are still times when a past girlfriend is brought up, but it has no power over me or him anymore. However, its loss of power came as a result of my hurts and brokenness, which led to my crying out to God, which led to wisdom from Him, and which led to obedience to what He told me to do.
You can’t handle your husband’s past issues on your own. Give it to God and He will lead the way for you.
Please go to our Warrior Prayer section for prayers you can use to deal with your husband’s past.
Lisa Maki is the founder, publisher, and editor of God'z Gurlz. More about Lisa at ...
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