love at first sight
The 4th in a series of Torah teaching on Marriage, specifically for wives
If there is one story in the Torah that talks about the highs and lows of love in marriage, it is the story of Jacob and Rachel. It is a story that can grip any reader’s heart with its joys and pains, and its victories and defeats.
Let me begin by quoting Genesis 29:10-11.
And it came to pass, when Jacob saw Rachel, the daughter of Laban, his mother's brother and the sheep of Laban, his mother's brother, that Jacob drew near and rolled the rock off the mouth of the well, and he watered the sheep of Laban, his mother's brother.
And Jacob kissed Rachel, and he raised his voice and wept.
Jacob was obviously captivated by Rachel, or why else will he kiss her and weep? In fact, the first verse above says that “he rolled the rock off the mouth of the well”. That rock was heavy (as indicated in Genesis 29:2) and “shepherds” and not one person alone would roll the stone away.
My question is: Why did Jacob weep?
Let’s look at the Scripture prior to the one above.
And Isaac called Jacob and blessed him, and he commanded him and said to him, "You shall not take a wife of the daughters of Canaan.
Arise, go to Padan aram, to the house of Bethuel, your mother's father, and take yourself from there a wife of the daughters of Laban, your mother's brother.
And may the Almighty God bless you and make you fruitful and multiply you, and you shall become an assembly of peoples (Genesis 28:1-3).
Jacob was overwhelmed when he saw Rachel. She was not only the daughter of Laban, but she was very beautiful in his sight. He wept because of the joy he felt over fulfilling his father Isaac’s command, and over the love he felt for Rachel. There is another reason, however, on why Jacob wept. Again let us look at Scripture for the answer.
Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel.
Leah's eyes were tender, but Rachel had beautiful features and a beautiful complexion.
And Jacob loved Rachel, and he said, "I will work for you seven years for Rachel, your younger daughter” (Genesis 29:16-18).
Jacob wept because he knew that he had to wait to be with Rachel. Yet, verse 20 says …
So Jacob worked for Rachel seven years, but they appeared to him like a few days because of his love for her (Genesis 29:16-18; 20).
Love surely waits.
And it came to pass, when Jacob saw Rachel, the daughter of Laban, his mother's brother and the sheep of Laban, his mother's brother, that Jacob drew near and rolled the rock off the mouth of the well, and he watered the sheep of Laban, his mother's brother.
And Jacob kissed Rachel, and he raised his voice and wept.
Jacob was obviously captivated by Rachel, or why else will he kiss her and weep? In fact, the first verse above says that “he rolled the rock off the mouth of the well”. That rock was heavy (as indicated in Genesis 29:2) and “shepherds” and not one person alone would roll the stone away.
My question is: Why did Jacob weep?
Let’s look at the Scripture prior to the one above.
And Isaac called Jacob and blessed him, and he commanded him and said to him, "You shall not take a wife of the daughters of Canaan.
Arise, go to Padan aram, to the house of Bethuel, your mother's father, and take yourself from there a wife of the daughters of Laban, your mother's brother.
And may the Almighty God bless you and make you fruitful and multiply you, and you shall become an assembly of peoples (Genesis 28:1-3).
Jacob was overwhelmed when he saw Rachel. She was not only the daughter of Laban, but she was very beautiful in his sight. He wept because of the joy he felt over fulfilling his father Isaac’s command, and over the love he felt for Rachel. There is another reason, however, on why Jacob wept. Again let us look at Scripture for the answer.
Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel.
Leah's eyes were tender, but Rachel had beautiful features and a beautiful complexion.
And Jacob loved Rachel, and he said, "I will work for you seven years for Rachel, your younger daughter” (Genesis 29:16-18).
Jacob wept because he knew that he had to wait to be with Rachel. Yet, verse 20 says …
So Jacob worked for Rachel seven years, but they appeared to him like a few days because of his love for her (Genesis 29:16-18; 20).
Love surely waits.
Jacob must have been so excited after completing his seven years. Finally he can be with the woman he loves. Unfortunately, this is not what happened.
Jacob was tricked by his father, Laban, and gave him Leah instead. In those days, and even in some Jewish traditions of today, they have a custom to cover the face of the bride (usually with a veil), and a prayer is often said for her based on the words spoken to Rebecca in Genesis 24:60.
Thus, I believe that Rachel knew this was going to happen. As Laban himself told Jacob, “It is not our custom to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one” (Genesis 29:26). She knew that after seven years she still would not be with Jacob. Yet she didn’t complain or resist. Instead, she submitted to the order.
God is a God of order. He laid down certain rules and parameters for our own good. When we follow it, without so much questioning it, we reap blessings; when we disobey, we reap consequences.
Rachel knew and followed the order. She followed even if it seemed unfair. I mean, she was the one and not her sister who Jacob chose and worked hard for. Yet she gave in. It was the first of many sacrifices she was going to make.
Thus, I believe that Rachel knew this was going to happen. As Laban himself told Jacob, “It is not our custom to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one” (Genesis 29:26). She knew that after seven years she still would not be with Jacob. Yet she didn’t complain or resist. Instead, she submitted to the order.
God is a God of order. He laid down certain rules and parameters for our own good. When we follow it, without so much questioning it, we reap blessings; when we disobey, we reap consequences.
Rachel knew and followed the order. She followed even if it seemed unfair. I mean, she was the one and not her sister who Jacob chose and worked hard for. Yet she gave in. It was the first of many sacrifices she was going to make.
How many times have you, as a wife, questioned God’s order, even in your own mind? How many times have you complained to him (even quietly) about His instruction for you to submit to your husband? How many times have you tried rationalizing in your own mind that you can’t submit to a husband who is not submitted to God? How many times have you thought it was unfair for God to have given the instruction for us to submit to our husbands?
Rachel could have complained and rebelled, but she didn’t. She yielded to God’s perfect order. She denied her own rights to give way to God’s perfect will and plan.
Rachel could have complained and rebelled, but she didn’t. She yielded to God’s perfect order. She denied her own rights to give way to God’s perfect will and plan.
And what about the risk she took by stealing her father’s gods? Genesis 31:34 says that Rachel had taken the household “gods” and put them in the camel’s saddle and sat on them. When her father searched for it, she said that she cannot rise because of her period.
Let me backtrack a little so you will understand my point better.
Jacob decided to leave his father-in-law, Laban, and took with him his family – his wives and children. Rachel took his father’s gods with her. When Laban found out about this, he ran after them and overtook them.
So what was the risk and sacrifice about this, you may ask.
Some Bible translations used the word “teraphim” or “idols” instead of “gods”. The “teraphim” are believed to be little, small statues that were made in the shape of men. They were “subordinate gods” that worshipers keep to provide protection for their family. They were also believed to be consulted by their worshipers for some future events.
Rachel did not know the God of her husband Jacob as personally as Jacob did. She was raised believing in her father’s gods or idols. Taking those “gods” with her was some sort of “protection” for them, as she was made to believe. Her intention was to protect her family from her father. She also knew that these “gods” will be consulted by her father. By taking these “gods” with her, Laban was left with nothing to consult.
In Genesis 31:30 Laban said to Jacob: Why did you steal my gods? Jacob answered in verse 32: Anyone with whom you find your gods shall not live. In the presence of our kinsmen point out what I have that is yours, and take it. The same verse says that Jacob did not know that Rachel had stolen them.
Rachel took the risk of being caught with the “gods”. What’s worse, she sacrificed her own life when Jacob prophesied her early death when he said: “Anyone with whom you find your gods shall not live”. Rachel died giving birth to her second son, Benjamin (Genesis 35:18).
Let me backtrack a little so you will understand my point better.
Jacob decided to leave his father-in-law, Laban, and took with him his family – his wives and children. Rachel took his father’s gods with her. When Laban found out about this, he ran after them and overtook them.
So what was the risk and sacrifice about this, you may ask.
Some Bible translations used the word “teraphim” or “idols” instead of “gods”. The “teraphim” are believed to be little, small statues that were made in the shape of men. They were “subordinate gods” that worshipers keep to provide protection for their family. They were also believed to be consulted by their worshipers for some future events.
Rachel did not know the God of her husband Jacob as personally as Jacob did. She was raised believing in her father’s gods or idols. Taking those “gods” with her was some sort of “protection” for them, as she was made to believe. Her intention was to protect her family from her father. She also knew that these “gods” will be consulted by her father. By taking these “gods” with her, Laban was left with nothing to consult.
In Genesis 31:30 Laban said to Jacob: Why did you steal my gods? Jacob answered in verse 32: Anyone with whom you find your gods shall not live. In the presence of our kinsmen point out what I have that is yours, and take it. The same verse says that Jacob did not know that Rachel had stolen them.
Rachel took the risk of being caught with the “gods”. What’s worse, she sacrificed her own life when Jacob prophesied her early death when he said: “Anyone with whom you find your gods shall not live”. Rachel died giving birth to her second son, Benjamin (Genesis 35:18).
Submission to God’s perfect order and willingness to sacrifice: two of Rachel’s character traits that we, wives, should emulate. These are the same instructions that God gave us in 1 Peter 3:1-6.
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
The order is: husband is above the wife.
Ephesians 5:23 explains this further.
The order is: husband is above the wife.
Ephesians 5:23 explains this further.
For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
1 Peter 3 says that wives should subject themselves or submit to their husbands. This is the order. The results were likewise laid down ... so that if some (referring to husbands) do not obey the word (referring to both saved and unsaved), they may be won (to Jesus and obedience to Him) without a word (not by the nagging or discussion of the wife) by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. In short, we can change our husbands not by talking to them but through our submission – our respectful and pure behavior.
1 Peter 3 starts with the word “Likewise”. Other versions say: “In like manner”. This means that it is referring to something we must imitate or copy, which brings us back to 1 Peter 2 that talks about Jesus/Yeshua Himself.
Let us check these last verses of 1 Peter 2 and allow me to comment on each verse based on what God is telling us as wives, in relation to being like Jesus/Yeshua.
1 Peter 3 starts with the word “Likewise”. Other versions say: “In like manner”. This means that it is referring to something we must imitate or copy, which brings us back to 1 Peter 2 that talks about Jesus/Yeshua Himself.
Let us check these last verses of 1 Peter 2 and allow me to comment on each verse based on what God is telling us as wives, in relation to being like Jesus/Yeshua.
20 [After all] what kind of glory [is there in it] if, when you do wrong and are punished for it, you take it patiently? But if you bear patiently with suffering [which results] when you do right and that is undeserved, it is acceptable and pleasing to God.
If you feel your husband is mistreating you even when you are being submissive to him, rest assured that God is pleased. However, be sure that you are suffering from doing right, and not from doing wrong.
21 For even to this were you called. For Christ also suffered for you, leaving you [His personal] example, so that you should follow in His footsteps.
In the midst of suffering in your marriage, look up to Jesus/Yeshua. He suffered for us and left an example for us to follow.
22 He was guilty of no sin, neither was deceit (guile) ever found on His lips.
23 When He was reviled and insulted, He did not revile or offer insult in return; [when] He was abused and suffered, He made no threats [of vengeance]; but he trusted [Himself and everything] to Him Who judges fairly.
Each time you think that your husband is being unfair, or that marriage is not fair, think about how Jesus/Yeshua was reviled and insulted even if he didn’t do anything wrong. Yet He didn’t retaliate. He put His trust in the Father who judges fairly.
24 He personally bore our sins in His [own] body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By His wounds you have been healed.
Do you realize how God the Father can use you for your husband’s healing? Do you realize that when your angry husband snaps off and lashes on you, and you remain gentle and quiet, and you continue to respect and serve him, that you are actually giving way to his healing? In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you (Proverbs 25:22). This is what “taking the bullet” for him is all about. This is what Jesus did for us ... and so much more.
25 For you were going astray like [so many] sheep, but now you have come back to the Shepherd and Guardian of your souls.
Your submission to your husband will result to his going back to the Father, or his being brought closer to Him.
If Jesus/Yeshua asks you the following questions today, what will your answer be?
I will leave your answers between you and Yeshua My point is: Marriage is bigger than us. It is not about us but about God and what He wants to accomplish in us and through us in this marriage. Everything we go through is a part of a process that He is completing -- both in us and in our husbands. When we submit to God’s order, we cooperate with Him; when we resist it, we hinder Him from doing a thorough and perfect work. You only have two choices: submit or resist. I pray that just like Rachel, you will choose to submit and sacrifice.
The love that Jacob felt for Rachel that day he saw her at the well was more spiritual than emotional. It was some prophetic revelation that he had about her. It was the love that God has put in her heart for her future husband that Jacob saw in the spirit. He wept because the spirit in him knew that Rachel’s love for him will entail a lot of sacrifices, even to the point of her death.
This, my dear sisters, is what true love is all about.
If Jesus/Yeshua asks you the following questions today, what will your answer be?
- Can you submit to your husband for me?
- Can you respect the order that I have set, knowing that I know what is best for you?
- Can you sacrifice for your husband the way I did for you?
I will leave your answers between you and Yeshua My point is: Marriage is bigger than us. It is not about us but about God and what He wants to accomplish in us and through us in this marriage. Everything we go through is a part of a process that He is completing -- both in us and in our husbands. When we submit to God’s order, we cooperate with Him; when we resist it, we hinder Him from doing a thorough and perfect work. You only have two choices: submit or resist. I pray that just like Rachel, you will choose to submit and sacrifice.
The love that Jacob felt for Rachel that day he saw her at the well was more spiritual than emotional. It was some prophetic revelation that he had about her. It was the love that God has put in her heart for her future husband that Jacob saw in the spirit. He wept because the spirit in him knew that Rachel’s love for him will entail a lot of sacrifices, even to the point of her death.
This, my dear sisters, is what true love is all about.
Lisa Maki is the founder/editor of God'z Gurlz, a Bible-based online magazine for women. She and her husband Jason are part of the growing movement of Christians who are discovering their Hebrew roots, and who are studying the Torah and its parallelisms to the New Testament. Lisa is likewise a Professional Writer with over 15 years of experience in the field. Jason and Lisa are part of El Shaddai Ministries, a First Century Believers Church headed by Pastor Mark Biltz.