LAYING DOWN YOUR LIFE FOR YOUR SPOUSE
March 2013
by Lisa Maki
In all my marriage articles, I address the wives more than the husbands simply because my ministry is for women more than men. It is my husband’s responsibility, not mine, to tell husbands what to do; and it is my responsibility to tell wives what to do. However, even if I am addressing wives in my articles, this does not mean that I am not saying the same to the husband. This article is both for the husband and the wife, but focused on the wife’s part.
John 15:3 says: Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
Of course the greatest love, which is the greatest commandment, is our love for God. The second greatest commandment is to love others. And the Scripture above says that there is no greater proof of love than to lay down our life for another.
If we say that we love our husbands, then the best way to prove that is to lay down our lives for them. This entails sacrificing anything for them, even if it is something we are holding on to so dearly. Sad to say, this is not what is happening. In fact the opposite is true. Most wives will never sacrifice their career, friends, family, hobbies, ministry, etc., even if their husbands are asking them to. They will say: “Well if he loves me then he will not take away something or someone that makes me happy”. Although this is true, it surely is not laying down one’s life for another.
I married my husband when I was almost 40. I was a single mom raising two boys. I had a very independent spirit, so accustomed to doing my own thing. Though I was already a minister at that time, I had no clue as to what “laying down my life for my husband” meant. Don’t get me wrong. I have laid down my life for a lot of people. I have given my last money to those who needed it more than I did. I have served the poorest of the poor in my country. I am not saying all these to boast about anything. Rather, I am saying it to explain that though I have laid down my life for others, I had no understanding as to what it meant to do it for my own husband.
I had no problem leaving my family behind. In fact, God made it easy for me because I had to move to another country. I had no problem leaving a career because I already turned my back from it when God called me for full-time ministry. I had no problem leaving friends behind. What became my biggest problem was laying down my old and familiar ways of doing things in ministry. Another challenge that I face is laying down my own ministry to give way to my husband’s ministry, which became my ministry too since the day I married him. What I knew at that time was that if my husband really loves me, then he will let me do what I have been so used to doing.
John 15:3 says: Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
Of course the greatest love, which is the greatest commandment, is our love for God. The second greatest commandment is to love others. And the Scripture above says that there is no greater proof of love than to lay down our life for another.
If we say that we love our husbands, then the best way to prove that is to lay down our lives for them. This entails sacrificing anything for them, even if it is something we are holding on to so dearly. Sad to say, this is not what is happening. In fact the opposite is true. Most wives will never sacrifice their career, friends, family, hobbies, ministry, etc., even if their husbands are asking them to. They will say: “Well if he loves me then he will not take away something or someone that makes me happy”. Although this is true, it surely is not laying down one’s life for another.
I married my husband when I was almost 40. I was a single mom raising two boys. I had a very independent spirit, so accustomed to doing my own thing. Though I was already a minister at that time, I had no clue as to what “laying down my life for my husband” meant. Don’t get me wrong. I have laid down my life for a lot of people. I have given my last money to those who needed it more than I did. I have served the poorest of the poor in my country. I am not saying all these to boast about anything. Rather, I am saying it to explain that though I have laid down my life for others, I had no understanding as to what it meant to do it for my own husband.
I had no problem leaving my family behind. In fact, God made it easy for me because I had to move to another country. I had no problem leaving a career because I already turned my back from it when God called me for full-time ministry. I had no problem leaving friends behind. What became my biggest problem was laying down my old and familiar ways of doing things in ministry. Another challenge that I face is laying down my own ministry to give way to my husband’s ministry, which became my ministry too since the day I married him. What I knew at that time was that if my husband really loves me, then he will let me do what I have been so used to doing.
What I failed to understand, and which a lot of wives still fail to understand is this: But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman ... (1 Corinthians 11:3).
God placed our husbands above us. They are our leaders whether they are good in leading or not. So if your husband tells you to give up something, for the good of your marriage, then you have to submit. Think of it this way. If your boss tells you to do something that you are not familiar with, will you be able to tell him or her that you don’t want to do it? Of course not! So how come it is not easy to do that when it comes to our husbands? I believe it is because of our non-submissive nature and our lack of understanding of what love is really all about.
Laying down our life for our spouse means this: giving up anything for their sake, for their betterment, and for their progress.
What I want you, fellow help-meets, to realize is that if you want your husband to change, then you have to be willing to lay down your life for him. This is actually the key to effect any change. It’s not through your complaints ... not through your nagging ... not through your wishful thinking. Yes, your prayers will facilitate change, but only if you are willing to do your part, and that is to lay down your life for him. Do you hear me? Jesus had to die on the cross for us, before He can even see any change take place. You and I are saved because Jesus laid down His life for us.
If your husband is in sin, you better stop what you are doing and get down on your knees and pray until you see the change manifest. This may mean quitting your Bible study, your weekly coffee date with your friends, your gym, or whatever is needed so you can spend more time in prayer. This is what laying down your life for your spouse is all about.
If you want your husband to take his leadership role in ministry, then you have to be ready to give up your own ministry. This is what laying down your life for your spouse is all about.
If you want your husband to be the primary breadwinner and be more responsible, then you have to be ready to quit your high-paying job and settle for a part-time job. This is what laying down your life for your spouse is all about.
If your mother or any family member is against your husband who you are one with, then you have to be willing to distance yourself from your own family. This is what laying down your life for your spouse is all about.
There are countless ways you can lay down your life for your husband. I’m challenging you now to examine yourself in areas where you are not doing this for him. Ask the Holy Spirit to expose to you where you are failing. Then do what needs to be done. Remember, you are doing this not so much for your husband but for the One who died for you. It’s the least you can do for Him.
If your husband is in sin, you better stop what you are doing and get down on your knees and pray until you see the change manifest. This may mean quitting your Bible study, your weekly coffee date with your friends, your gym, or whatever is needed so you can spend more time in prayer. This is what laying down your life for your spouse is all about.
If you want your husband to take his leadership role in ministry, then you have to be ready to give up your own ministry. This is what laying down your life for your spouse is all about.
If you want your husband to be the primary breadwinner and be more responsible, then you have to be ready to quit your high-paying job and settle for a part-time job. This is what laying down your life for your spouse is all about.
If your mother or any family member is against your husband who you are one with, then you have to be willing to distance yourself from your own family. This is what laying down your life for your spouse is all about.
There are countless ways you can lay down your life for your husband. I’m challenging you now to examine yourself in areas where you are not doing this for him. Ask the Holy Spirit to expose to you where you are failing. Then do what needs to be done. Remember, you are doing this not so much for your husband but for the One who died for you. It’s the least you can do for Him.
Lisa Maki is the founder, publisher, and editor of God'z Gurlz. More about Lisa at ...
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